Riley Speaks

"all i have is a voice" ~ w.h. auden

What are you living for?: A look into my spiritual journey.

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Since I was little, I’ve been a part of religion. I was born to a mother that took my brother and I both to church as soon as we were old enough to be quiet, or old enough to join the “sparklers” (toddlers/babies care during the sermon). Growing up around the belief that God and Jesus are there was something that I think was hard to escape – I still haven’t. Having that idea around me as a child made it stick regardless of the fact that I haven’t stepped foot in my church actively for five years.

As I’ve grown up I’ve explored my own spiritual identity by engrossing myself in others’ ideas and beliefs. To label my beliefs as christian, or Buddhist, or anything is hard and unjust to those cultures and religions/beliefs. I do know my beliefs are parts of everything. I have parts of religions and to claim I am these religions is not something I would ever do. I am not these religions just because I believe in parts of them. I don’t claim to be a religion at all. If I had to, I would claim Anglican because that is the church I grew up in, that is what I am baptized as. But when I put the notion of Christianity upon myself I feel like I have to uphold those strict beliefs.

I do believe in Jesus, and God, and the Virgin Mary, and every story within the bible. I know that it existed before. What I don’t believe is that I must live by the teachings that relate solely to the times in which they occurred. I don’t believe that God still cares if “man shall lay with man” as He did when the bible was written. I don’t believe that God cares that I love a woman as I ‘should’ love a man. I believe that in the time that God believed that. He truly did. Maybe He encountered someone that was homosexual AND happened to be a horrible person. I don’t know and quite frankly I don’t think it matters anymore. (It would be something interesting to know, is God as petty as me?) I think as time wore on God realized that people can be gay and a good person. The two share no correlation – not like He had believed before.

I also swear…a lot. I try not to swear at people because I know that while they are just words, they do carry a harmful effect to others feelings/emotions. But I don’t think God cares if I swear to make a joke funnier. I don’t think God cares that I swear because I’m frustrated and all other words I know don’t express this frustration. God doesn’t care for these things. He cares if I swear with the intent purpose to belittle another. He doesn’t care if I swear so long as my words hold no negative affect to another life.

I don’t believe in Christianity. I don’t believe God does either. I believe He is watching these “Christians” turn up to church by the number and demean everything He worked for. He wanted the Children to follow His way because He knew they would lose sight of what it was that was important – love to another. If I could recreate the bible I would. The only verse it would contain is Matthew 7.12

“In everything, then, do to others as you would have them do to you. For this is the essence of the Law and the prophets.”

I believe that regardless of if you smoke, drink, do drugs, have sex with the same gender, don’t have sex, have orgies (please use protection…), I believe that it doesn’t falter the love God has for us. We must be good people, and love one another and that is ultimately what will matter when we are called home.

That is my belief.

But in saying this, I also believe that to have only one God is something unfathomable. My belief is we have many God’s. Allah, Buddha, Tetragrammaton (Jewish god), and many many more. I don’t think that My God is solely here for everyone. Yes He could – and does – love all the Children (even those that do not claim Him), but my ultimate belief is there is something greater than all our God’s. It may not even be a God, but a power, a space, a feeling. I don’t know. But I believe this creator knew that the Children would not all identify with one God. That these Children would need guidance, but may not find it with the Christian God. These Children would need a home, a father, a mother, a leader, or a power to believe in. So this creator created many religions. Created many something’s that the Children can believe in.

My overall belief is that we are here to better this world for the Children already on it, and the Children that will come. I don’t care if you are Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Islam, Sikh, etc. I doubt the creator above that decides our eternal fate cares either. All that matters is that the world is a better place and we are good, and kind. That we love one another whether they believe in our God, in their own God, or no God. We are here to love, to create a world worth protecting. We are here to accept and not to judge. We were never put here to create havoc and pain. I don’t believe that any God/power/etc would have wanted that.

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Author: ryebreadspeaks

20. Hopeful for a future free of war.

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