Riley Speaks

"all i have is a voice" ~ w.h. auden

Motherhood – Societies pressure to become a mother

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Let’s talk about motherhood! I know – me, not a mother, speaking about motherhood. What am I thinking?! Hear me out. I want to talk about motherhood and why women feel a societal pressure to become mothers.

Ever since we are little we are told we are to grow up and become mothers. Heck, most of girls toys are targeted to being a mother. From a young age we are programmed to believe it is our destiny to become a mother and to have children. But it’s a lie. I would say that very few people are truly meant for motherhood. Just because you have maternal instincts if doesn’t necessarily mean you should be a mother. You have to have passion and drive and be committed to this child – that tiny human – that you bring into this world and depends on you. You cannot half ass it. Motherhood is not a “maybe” or a “why not” situation. It’s all or nothing. You owe it to that child.

I’ve always been really good with kids. Ever since I was little, children gravitated to me and I to them. I think it’s because I’m still a five year old at heart. I have very good maternal instincts I think, and being good with children one could assume I am going to become a mother. The truth is I most likely won’t. I’m still very 50/50, up in the air about it and I refuse to bring a child into my life when I am not fully committed to raising them and being their parent. Just because I’m good with kids and very maternal it does not mean I’m going to be a mother – not unless I’m all in.

If you are not fully committed to being a mother then how else are you going to survive when your two year old is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the store and 80 people are staring? How are you going to survive the tears when they can’t communicate what’s wrong? These are rhetorical questions because I know exactly how you will react. You see it on the TV – child abuse and neglect. These are mothers that believed they had to bring children into this world even though they weren’t committed entirely to the idea. Children are frustrating, they are hair pulling worthy, but they ultimately don’t mean to be. They are still learning. As a mother you have to know this and have patience and when you aren’t all in, crying and screaming and frustration are hard to survive.

But what are the true effects of semi-commitment? Surely they’re just minor…well they aren’t. It can lead to mental illness in children that can carry on to adolescent and adulthood. A half-assed parent can create attachment issues and inability to form proper relationships. It can create a loneliness of being unwanted, of not feeling like they are their mothers whole heart. It is not fair for you to bring a child into this world and leave them with these fears and feelings. Half-assing motherhood can create a whole different life path for children – a path that can have devastating effects.

At the end of the day it’s very simple. Don’t have kids unless you are a hundred percent sure you want them. Unless you know that you will give everything to them. Even on the days where you might not want to. Don’t do it just because that’s what you think you’re supposed to do. It’s not fair on the children you will bring into this world to have a mother only half invested. These children come into this world and they never asked to be brought here – you did that. You have to follow through and be totally willing to raise that child. That’s the commitment you made when you became a mother – that you would love this child 100% without fail – even when they say you smell and tell you that you cut their food wrong. It’s all or nothing.

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Author: ryebreadspeaks

20. Hopeful for a future free of war.

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